Zogging Hell!!! - Gary Lineker's Soccer Skills

Gary Lineker's Soccer Skills

Gremlin 1988. Wise Owl Software Ltd. Programmed by Wayne Maw. Graphics 'The Team'. Music by Benn Daglish. Idea by Ian Stewart. Gameplay by Arthur Mudd.

I find it all very amusing that the title screen of this, frankly, rubbish game is filled proudly by names of the creators, which seemingly oblivious of the tripe they have created have listed their identities next to an appallingly digitised image of Gary Lineker. Truely Ian Stewart is a genius for coming up with this tedious joystick waggler and all of them should by themselves a pint for programming and drawing this ugly dog of a game. So what's it about then. Well back in the eighties and nineties when he was playing football rather than commentating on it and eating vast amounts of crisps, Gary Lineker was a bit of a football hero (or a goal hanging gimboid depending on your viewpoint). Excellent I hear you cry, a football game. Er well no actually. Rather than put their license to any good use, Gremlin have created the most lazy game possible. Basically this is a collection of appalling sub games based on Gary's alleged pre-match gym sessions. Exciting entries include, press ups, weight lifts and squat thrusts, all executed in the time honoured tradition of the joystick destroying waggler. Amusingly most of the sub-games seem to concentrate on Gary's upper body strength rather than on what you'd imagine, which would be running and ball control. Though those are in there as well in the form of a tedious keepy uppey session and a run around some cones and putting the ball in tiny goals number. If this game is anything to go by Gary was actually the size of a WWE wrestler underneath that England jersey. Frankly this is one of the poorest game I've played in a long time. Fortunately it can't of sold well and no more football heros were subjected to the Gremlin treatment (howabout a Bryan Robson injury simulator, where the accident prone midfielder's knees give up on him in a vital England tournament and you waggle the joystick like crazy to see how long he'll be out for..).
The best part of the game is where you get to control a stupid arm at the beginning level select screen. Genius. There were better joystick wagglers in the public domain than this. Even Gazzer's Super Soccer is more appealing. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Zogging Hell Rating: 3/10

Cheats

Gremlin for trying to sell this...