Gary Lineker's Soccer Skills
Gremlin 1988. Wise Owl Software Ltd. Programmed by Wayne Maw. Graphics 'The Team'. Music by Benn Daglish. Idea by Ian Stewart. Gameplay by Arthur Mudd.
I find it all very amusing
that the title screen of this, frankly, rubbish game is filled proudly
by names of the creators, which seemingly oblivious of the tripe they
have created have listed their identities next to an appallingly digitised
image of Gary Lineker. Truely Ian Stewart is a genius for coming up with
this tedious joystick waggler and all of them should by themselves a pint
for programming and drawing this ugly dog of a game. So what's it about
then. Well back in the eighties and nineties when he was playing football
rather than commentating on it and eating vast amounts of crisps, Gary
Lineker was a bit of a football hero (or a goal hanging gimboid depending
on your viewpoint). Excellent I hear you cry, a football game. Er well
no actually. Rather than put their license to any good use, Gremlin have
created the most lazy game possible. Basically this is a collection of
appalling sub games based on Gary's alleged pre-match gym sessions. Exciting
entries include, press ups, weight lifts and squat thrusts, all executed
in the time honoured tradition of the joystick destroying waggler. Amusingly
most of the sub-games seem to concentrate on Gary's upper body strength
rather than on what you'd imagine, which would be running and ball control.
Though those are in there as well in the form of a tedious keepy uppey
session and a run around some cones and putting the ball in tiny goals
number. If this game is anything to go by Gary was actually the size of
a WWE wrestler underneath that England jersey. Frankly this is one of
the poorest game I've played in a long time. Fortunately it can't of sold
well and no more football heros were subjected to the Gremlin treatment
(howabout a Bryan Robson injury simulator, where the accident prone midfielder's
knees give up on him in a vital England tournament and you waggle the
joystick like crazy to see how long he'll be out for..).
Zogging Hell Rating: 3/10
Gremlin for trying to sell this...
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